August 17, 2020
Gloobians and Xxors, a sci-fi political parable.
There was this planet where the vast majority of intelligent life was a species called the Gloobians. On some of their backs lived a parasitic race of tiny worms called the "Xxors" who divided themselves up into two groups, the Klixxors, and the Klaxxors, and the two groups managed to hold power in the planetary congress, making laws while sitting on the backs of their enslaved Gloobians, slurping up their blood and laying eggs under their skin.
I traveled down to the surface to meet with the Gloobians, obviously the vast majority of intelligent life on this planet. The first group I met with were members of some sort of underground rebel alliance who wanted to form a Gloobian political party.
Now this made very little sense to me. Why wouldn't they have one already? The Gloobians very obviously made up the vast majority of intelligent life on the planet, it should be EASY for them to form a political party of their own, and they should be able to institute a policy by which they eliminate all the Xxors from their backs, and nobody would get their blood sucked, or have eggs laid under their skin ever again.
I asked them why they didn’t have such a political party already. The Gloobian Party rebels said, “well it’s just very difficult.”
I didn't understand at all why this would be the case, so I pressed further, “but why would the vast majority allow themselves to be ruled by blood sucking parasites? Why would any of them align themselves with either party of blood sucking Xxors? Is it illegal for you to form such a party?
“No.” the Gloobian Rebel Alliance answered matter of factly.
“Well, do the Xxors secrete some sort of chemical that make Gloobians love the Xxors?”
“Hah, oh no, that's certainly not the case. They are quite irritating.” and the Gloobian pointed at his own back, “I have Xxors living on my back right now, and I would love to get rid of them, but it would be illegal to kill them, and they can only feed on Gloobian blood, and so since they are also intelligent life. Some Gloobians think we need the Xxors, but most Gloobians agree that they are idiots. Almost every Gloobian hates the Xxors universally."
“Wait so all Gloobins hate having the Xxors on their backs? Well, what the heck is stopping you from just changing the laws to make it legal to remove them, and just get rid of all the parasites entirely?” I asked.
The Gloobian rebels shifted their stances queitly and looked at their many feet, and finally one spoke up, “look, we don’t really understand why either, you should just go ask around.”
So I did. I walked into town and bumped into a Gloobian campaigning for one of the Xxor parties. I approached her and asked why she supported the Xxors.
“I don’t support the Xxors at all!” she said.
“Then why are you out here campaigning for them?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? I’m trying to make sure that the Klixxors don’t win!”
“Are you aware that there is a Gloobian party, that is by and for the Gloobians? They want to get rid of the Xxors entirely”
“Ha!” She snorted, condescendingly, “You really don’t know anything do you? We have to vote for the Klaxxors to make sure that the Klixxors don’t win.”
“So are the Klaxxors better?”
“Well they would be, except they have to appeal to the Gloobians who would normally vote for the Klixxors and weaken the Klixxor base to make sure that the Klixxors don’t win. So for this election, they are adopting a lot of the Klixxor policies.”
“And the Klixxors are especially bad?”
“Oh yes, they want to suck our blood and lay their eggs in our skin!”
“And the Klaxxors don’t do that?”
“No, they do that too, but if we have to live with Xxors on our backs, laying eggs under our skin and sucking our blood, we may as well suffer with dignity.”
I paused for a second to make sure I understood, but I was certain that I did not. “But you don’t have to live with the Xxors laying eggs under your skin or sucking your blood at all though. You could vote for the Gloobian Rebel Alliance, and just get rid of both Klixxors and Klaxxors, all the Xxors. Why don’t you do that?”
She shook her head and took pity on me, “you stupid earthling, you don’t know anything at all. I already said, if we don’t vote for the Klaxxors, the Klixxors will win, and it will be four more years of them sucking our blood and laying eggs under our skin. You poor stupid idiot. You don’t understand politics at all, do you”
And I had to agree, that no, I certainly did not. Not one bit.