Hacking BuzzFeed Lifehacks with Lifehacking

So buzzfeed has a few videos and "listicles" (a portmanteau of "list" and "testicle")* of lifehacks. I thought they were neat/interesting, but didn't actually do any of them.

I was recently at a cooperative office space with a real techie/startup culture vibe, and I noticed that those buzzfeed lifehacks were being applied everywhere.
Seeing them actually being applied in reality got me thinking about how those lifehacks could be further improved upon by additional lifehacks.

Here are my four lifehacking lifehacks:

1. Just drink when you're thirsty

Seriously, your survival instinct is so weak that you forget to do the most basic things you need to do to stay alive? Do you need an egg timer to remind you to eat as well? When you get that weird feeling in your pelvic area, do you just wait till you wet yourself?

2. It won't make your desk look like a hovercraft, but a tasteless multibulb room lamp from a box store can adequately light your workspace, and can be found FOR FREE outside any college dorm around May.
Instead of paying money for this:

Try picking up one of these for free outside of any college dorm in May when students move out:


3. You could use this two-cup solution to avoid ever having stale coffee again-- Or you could stop being a snob, and just shut up and fucking drink it. Let's face it, there's nothing worse than stale coffee, aside from everything else in universe, because coffee is awesome. 

 Enough sugar and cream, and even strained charcoal remains found in an electrical fire will be palatable enough to fuel your pointless paperpushing productivity. Meet that deadline!


4. Never go to BuzzFeed, ever
Even buzzfeed encourages you to install a program that prevents you from ever going to their website: it's in their lifehack list.


*I've been informed that it's actually a portmanteau of "Liskeardite" and "Article" since they are all articles originally written down on stone tablets made of a composite of Aluminum, Arsenic, Iron, Hydrogen, and Oxygen.